Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Cool under the collar

So, anyway, I bought FSoG. (What? Holy Crap!)

Before I scoff about how dreadful it is, look, I bought the damn thing. And that's the single thing ELJames wanted me to do. So hats off, she and her clever marketing team have turned me into one of their gazillion Submissives. And I have no right to look down on them.

The book has taught me a fair bit about BDSM. Which is probably no bad thing. You know, intellectually speaking.

But it is dreadful. Ana is a whimpering airhead. Christian is a depository for various 'hot' ingredients (copper hair, faded Levis, skills at a piano, ability to cope with periods (!), a private jet, a tortured childhood, a riding crop.) But he is not drawn sufficiently well for them to cohere into any actual personality. And nonetheless you wonder why on earth he fancies her......

Characters above the age of 40 all have eyes that crinkle into a warm smile every 5 seconds. Everyone of every age is super hot. Life consists of nothing but the most mundane stuff (having an alcoholic drink - hold on to your hats!; engaging in let's-all-gouge-our-eyes-out-with-spoons dull conversations, etc.)

The sex is interesting ('ooooh, I hadn't thought of doing that') but the present tense, first person, flimsy narrative reads like a staccato recital of a shopping list. So not exactly erotic.

James has very odd ideas about what the subconscious is: the one she's created is conspicuously conscious and never shuts up. Hyphenated phrases (just like the one at the end of my fifth paragraph) abound, relied upon because, presumably, Ana lacks the vocabulary to be more concise. I could go on......

.....but I won't. I need to finish the last chapter.

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